Domestic Disharmony

19 Sep

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Last week we did some review about money and learned that God doesn’t care how much you have. God’s position on wealth hasn’t changed and it shouldn’t impress us if people have a lot of money. It is not fitting for a fool to live in luxury. It just doesn’t make sense and even if somehow they enter into a luxurious lifestyle, it won’t last long. We saw the importance of self-control. It is one of the bench marks of salvation. We went through the 4th Chapter of Ephesians and I encouraged you to review it from time to time. Forgetting a wrong-doing does not mean there will not be consequences. As an authentic believer, you are positionally secure in Jesus Christ. Because of this, you need to walk in a manner worthy of your calling. This morning, we take a different look at some relationships.

I hope you’ll take the time and read our passage found in Pro. 19:12-17.

Solomon shifts from fury to wrath. He spoke about the king’s fury back in 16:14 and said that the king can bring about life or death in 16:15. The same general idea is presented here again. “The king’s wrath is like the roaring of a lion, but his favor is like dew on the grass.” Probably no student likes to get sent to the principal’s office. There’s probably no worker that wants to get summoned to the supervisor’s office. If and when you do, do you get this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach? If you’ve done nothing wrong, you shouldn’t worry. Solomon is saying if you’ve done wrong, the king’s wrath is like that of a roaring lion. Substitute supervisor, manager, principle, or boss and you get the idea. If you hear the roar, you’re on the receiving end of his wrath. But if you’re doing good and right, “His favor is like dew on the grass.” It’s refreshing, it’s delightful, it’s the sign of a new day. It’s a good place to be. Paul said it like this in Rom. 13:3, “For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same.”

Let’s shift over to some household issues. Many people grow up and dream of getting out on their own, getting married, and starting a family. It’s a normal part of life. The opposite is true: if you have grown children that never want to leave the house, that’s abnormal. I’m not talking about arrangements of convenience or mutual benefit. I’m talking about no plans, no ambition, and no desire that can lead to issues. We start with the parent son relationship. “A foolish son is destruction to his father.” We saw the foolish son causing grief to his mother in 10:1 and to his father in 17:25. We saw the foolish man despising his mother in 15:20. In 17:21 we saw there’s no joy in being the father of a fool. Now he’s causing destruction to his father. Have you ever wished you never had children? Do you wish that they could be shipped off somewhere? Children were meant to be a joy and a blessing. Do you wonder if and when they will stop causing such sorrow in your life? All of these feelings fall under the umbrella of what Solomon is talking about. Even after they move out of the house and began life on their own, they can cause problems. No matter how old you get or they get, you’ll always be a parent.

Have you ever thought about the importance of relationships? Well, Solomon has and he shifts over to the second most important relationship in this world. Outside of the relationship with Jesus Christ, the husband wife relationship is the most important relationship you’ll be engaged in. As equally troubling, Solomon says, “The contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.” You may have heard this verse quoted before. It seems like a departure from the last thing he said about wives: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” (Pro. 18:22) We’re talking about a contentious wife here. Contentions are quarrels, arguments, disagreements, or controversies. Solomon’s talking about bickering and fighting between husband and wife and he’s not talking once in a while. There are certain things that are not up for discussion in the home. How you hang the toilet paper or paper towels. What type of peanut butter or coffee to buy. The relationship Solomon refers to is a continuous struggle and it seems he’s directing this at the woman. No matter the time or day of the week, this woman makes it unsettling and uneasy to be around her.

It’s a, “constant dripping.” Have you ever tried to think or sleep with a dripping faucet? The longer you are in silence, the louder it gets? Not long ago, our ice maker began making a knocking sound. That refrigerator is about as far away from our bedroom as it can be. With our door shut, it sounded like a hammer against concrete and it got louder and louder and louder until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I got out of bed and disassembled it until the noise stopped. It was irritating, it got under my skin, I couldn’t think about anything else except how annoying the noise was. That’s what Solomon is talking about. Continual strife in the home. Bickering, arguing, snarky comments, purposeful antagonizing make that an unpleasant place to be. So what’s the solution? It’s the same one you’ve heard before. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (Eph. 5:25) All of us need to get out of the business of trying to change other people. You be the person God is transforming you to be and pray that you’ll be able to demonstrate the same love, grace, and mercy that has been bestowed upon you. Impossible? No. Easy? Doubtful, but it should get easier as you grow in the knowledge and wisdom of God. Solomon talks more about problematic wives in Chapters 21 and 27.

He continues the domestic angle in the next verse. “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Notice the wifely contrast from the previous verse. This verse refers to the ancient practice of arranged marriages. Believe it or not, arranged marriages are still common in India, Pakistan, Japan, China, and in Israel among orthodox Jewish communities. In order to make it more attractive to potential husbands, dowries were offered. The bigger the dowry, the better quality husband to be attracted for marriage. No matter how big the estate or dowry, “A prudent wife is from the Lord.” Prudent means acting with care and concern for the future. The prudent wife makes the best of everything. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “A marriage made in heaven?” A prudent wife is more valuable than a big house and great wealth. The most important factor in marriage is dedication to God and His Son. Show me a wife that earnestly follows Christ, and I’ll show you a woman that will stick it out in difficult situations, that will demonstrate love and respect for her husband, that will not nag him to death, that will not drive him out of the house. Show me a prudent wife, and I’ll show you a husband that is blessed beyond measure. Show me a prudent wife, and I’ll show you a husband that should praise the Lord and thank Him for His goodness. If we would be more patient and trusting, the Lord would provide that person in our life.

Verse 15 is nothing new. “Laziness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle man will suffer hunger.” Solomon has little patience for laziness. “How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep?” (Pro. 6:9) “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest.” (Pro. 6:10) and that exact verse is repeated in Pro. 24:33. Laziness seems to be rampant these days. Idleness seems to be rewarded. That’s totally contrary to the work ethic mandated for followers of Christ. “Laziness casts into a deep sleep.” When you’re lazy, you fall asleep and dream. You accomplish nothing. When you’re idle, you’re not working. If you’re not working, you’re not earning money. If you’re not earning money, you can’t buy food. If you can’t buy food, you will be hungry. It is as simple as that. I always scratch my head at people that are unemployed and when you tell them about a job, they say they don’t want to do that kind of work. If you’re able to work and you’re too lazy to work, shame on you.

Obedience is a good thing. Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (Jo. 14:15) I don’t know of any better way to demonstrate your love and commitment to Christ than to be obedient to His teachings. Solomon knew this and that’s why he says, “He who keeps the commandment keeps his soul.” Keeping God’s commands is a really good thing to do. We don’t do it to earn our way to heaven; we’re obedient because we defer to God’s plan and to His will. Back in Pro. 13:13, we saw, “The one who despises the word will be in debt to it, but the one who fears the commandment will be rewarded.” In Luke 11, Jesus had cast out a demon from a mute man and after the demon was gone, the mute man was able to speak. The Pharisees told the people that Jesus cast out demons by the power of Beelzebub. Jesus explained about demons and about a divided house and the teaching was so incredible that, “One of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, “Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which You nursed.” But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.” (Lu. 11:27-28) This woman was praising Jesus’ mother for giving birth to Him, and Jesus turns it around into obedience. It’s not good enough just to listen to the Word of God. You can hear the Word day in and day out, but if you don’t take it to heart and follow what the Word says, are you really hearing it?

Don’t misunderstand what Solomon is saying. “He who keeps the commandment keeps his soul.” This is not a works based faith. Apart from Christ, you’re not able to keep the commandments of God. Solomon is talking about walking the walk that you talk. He’s talking about walking the path of righteousness. When you follow the commands of God, the principles found in Scripture, the teachings of Jesus, and the teachings of the prophets, you will keep your soul. The opposite is also true. If you ignore the teachings of the Bible, you will die. Make no mistake about it, everyone has eternal life. That eternal life is either present with the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit or separated from the Trinity for eternity.

Our last verse for today: “One who is gracious to a poor man lends to the Lord, and He will repay him for his good deed.” This goes hand in hand with Jesus’ words when He said, “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.” (Matt. 25:40) Essentially, if you want to help someone in the name of Jesus, God will bless you in whatever way He deems appropriate.

It is not good to be on the receiving end of a lion’s roar. If you consistently do what is pleasing to the Lord, you’ll find yourself as refreshed as the morning dew. Solomon moved over and talked about domestic relations. It’s tough to have a foolish son – in fact it can destroy a father. Constant wifely nagging is like a dripping faucet: it can drive you out of your mind. Having a wife is a good thing, but finding a prudent woman is a gift from God. Don’t be lazy – it can lead to hunger. We finished by talking about keeping the commands of God. It is probably the primary indicator of an authentic relationship with God. If you do a good deed in the name of Jesus to help someone, God will reward your actions; we don’t know if it will happen here, but it will definitely happen in eternity.

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